Two Sides of the Same Coin

A lot of comments have been coming my way lately about how brave I am . . . how much courage I have to be standing up for people in trouble. Courage is a highly overrated attribute. G.K. Chesterton said, "Courage is almost a contradiction in terms. It means a strong desire to live taking the form of a readiness to die." Yup.

Let's set that record straight. You know why I do the things I do? Because I'm scared, and not wanting to live in fear, I seek to change that which scares me. I don't want to do it, would be much happier digging in the garden or cleaning the chicken shed. I step into these situations certain I'm going to get hit in one way or another, that it's going to cost me, but I must act. Looking around for the usual checks and balances to kick in, to make things right again, I see that they have gone non-operational . . . or worse, as in the case of ICE, they are the problem. Then I look around for those in authority who get PAID to handle nasty situations and protect the rest of us, but they are busy doing a Sargent Shultz ("I see nothing!")and then I get scared. Deb does an incredible imitation of having one big-ass set of balls because Deb is terrified of what is going to happen if she doesn't.

I was born not long after WWII - grew up with stories of Nazi Germany being drilled into my head. I saw the pictures, watched the documentaries, but the starving people, gruesome conditions, gas chambers and mass graves are not what gave me nightmares. One scene in one documentary terrified me far more. Alfred Hitchcock took part in that particular film and it had the touch of the master of horror. The scene was old footage of ordinary German villagers being made to walk through one of the concentration camps by Allied soldiers who were so horrified themselves they insisted these people confront what had been done right under their noses. The villagers were not ghouls, they were just ordinary decent people. I don't doubt that some of them felt superior to those soldiers because they, unlike the soldiers, had never killed anyone.

The looks on those people's faces was the most horrible thing I have ever seen. They gazed upon the carnage all around and they did not weep, they did not hide their faces in shame, they were not horrified. They were dead to it all. That film clip was of people barely human who no longer cared, no longer felt responsibility. It was terrifying! Here were people who had turned away and not seen, not acted for so long they could no longer feel. What must it be like to be one of those people? What struggles must they endure every day to keep the demons of their own making at bay? I would not wish such a thing on any man - certainly not on myself. That is the fear that drives me. That is the source of that "courage" that people think I have. I'm not brave, I'm just too scared not to do something.

All the love and hugs I give so freely to those who are also stepping up and speaking out are reserved strictly for them. I'm not generally the cuddly type, but my love is very real for other beings who are willing to act, for those who look, confront and speak to what they see. They are rare. I pray the sense that they are becoming rarer is just an illusion. They aren't always the nicest people. Like me, they can sometimes sound quite harsh, become very angry, but those are the people that make this world livable, that keep darkness at bay. They are the ones who will never look back on a period of terror with empty eyes, unable to confront what they know they made possible because they did not have the sense to fear the death of their own soul.