You Know the Truth

A friend recently was betrayed by the person he loved and trusted the most - horribly, brutally betrayed. I sat across from him as he faced the fact that he had lost everything, including his freedom, and was left with only a tenuous hold on his life and health. I expected regrets, but he gave none, bore the news with dignity and understanding, which reminded me again why he was so valued as a friend. He pointed out that he knew what this woman was - had always known, but he chose not to see because he was "in love." Through that choice to believe her instead of the signs, he had aided and abetted this woman in the abuse of her first husband. He did not attempt to explain the obvious away.

There's a saying, "Hind sight is twenty-twenty." It is usually said as a way to excuse a mistake that was made due to faulty data, but I have to confess that my respect for my friend went up a notch when he did not attempt to justify his decisions. He could have seen the truth if he had been willing to look. The information was there right along. And so it is with many of these situations. True, we might not know everything, but how many times have we taken a wrong path in life and when it comes to a bad end, looked back and realized that the "Dead End" sign had been clearly visible at the beginning.

I don't like to pull rank by nature of being older than most of you too often, but this is one time I'm going to - have seen plenty of mistakes, made plenty of my own and so today I offer you one handy rule for happier living when it comes to relationships: Do not be a party to breaking up a marriage! You know who you are and you know what I am talking about!

Ladies: The justification that his wife "doesn't understand him," is bull! It isn't even original and he's insulted you by coming up with it. Show him the door and not your heart! If he were to leave his wife and go with you, what have you gained? A man you know cheats, that's what!

The offer to buy you the world along with tons of examples of how rich and successful he is . . . at best a lie, at worst he thinks you can be bought. Translation: he sees women as property. Again - show him the door! Don't fall for that foolishness. Any woman who allows herself to be put up for sale this way has only herself to blame for what follows. Pure logic says that today's millionaire could loose it all tomorrow and today's poverty stricken dreamer could be tomorrow's brilliant and wealthy inventor. Never sell your life to the highest bidder.

Men: It feels good to have one's ego pumped, but when she tells you you are the best she's ever had - and follows it with an offer to compromise your integrity - run - in the other direction! You guys have a HUGE weakness in the area of coming to the rescue of phony damsels in distress. Women are strong and capable - they do not have to be saved on a regular basis. Once in a while, sure, we can all use a little help from time to time. Constantly? She's stroking you!

The female version of "doesn't understand me," is: "I'm afraid of my husband." Both men and women commit domestic abuse, but the ones making false accusations are almost always women. Male victims tend to not admit it, even to themselves. Of course you want to help a woman going through such a situation, but have you actually witnessed the abuse? Are there numerous others who have seen it or are all the people who have seen her and her husband together suddenly MIA? Is she keeping you from talking to the people who would know?

This is a tricky area because you don't want to have a woman in actual danger left defenseless, and unfortunately the manipulators can be more convincing than the true victims, but there's one really good way to be sure you are on the side of angels . . . don't get into an affair with a married woman! If she's being abused, she's vulnerable and you have no business taking advantage of her like that! If she's not, an affair will tempt you to not see the "Dead End" sign before it's too late. Oh - and the "I am pregnant with your baby," followed by her loosing said baby . . . one of the oldest tricks in the book!

I know, I know guys, there are exceptions and your situation is one of those . . . really? Good - then there's no problem with respecting the fact that this is a marriage (especially where kids are involved) and waiting till that marriage is handled before you put your bid in, is there?

And to all of you: If you are just coming off a relationship disaster yourself - puuhlease . . . DO NOT JUMP RIGHT INTO ANOTHER RELATIONSHIP! If this new person is as good as you think or as they are telling you, they will respect you and take the time for you to heal. If it's something that needs to be hurried up and secured right now - aw honey, do I really have to spell that one out?