NICE VERSES KIND

My dad used to tell me that being nice and being kind was not always the same thing and when the two diverged I should always choose to be kind rather than nice. Dad was a wise and incredibly kind man so I took his advice and made it my own. This year, unfortunately, I must accept that I did not do him proud on the kindness front – found myself being nice far too often. This wasn’t for lack of intent. I meant to choose kind, I strove to be kind. But far too many times I failed to recognize that “nice” and “kind” had indeed gone their separate ways and where I thought I was choosing the kind solution, I was, in fact, choosing the more convenient and palatable “nice” path. Sorry, Dad. I know if you were here you would not hold that against me . . . if only for the fact that you know how completely I will hold it against myself.

Tonight we turn over the calendar and start a fresh page. This year I will pay better attention and resolve to recognize more quickly where niceness is tripping me up at the expense of those who deserve better. There is nothing kind about trying to save someone who is bound and determined to do her/himself in and I’ve been guilty of doing just that for the sake of . . . what? Quite honestly, I don’t know. I have no idea what on earth I was thinking. I was seeking a happy ending all around without anyone having to loose too terribly much. I could use the excuse that there were children involved, but no, that isn’t what motivated me. I took the path I took because it was easier to confront, pure and simple. That was “nice” thinking at its most insipid, and Edgar de Santos did not raise his daughter to be such a push-over.

“So Deb, do you mean to say, ‘No more Ms Nice Lady?’ “

Yup . . . ‘cept I’m not really much of a lady, ya know. ;-) Another thing my dad used to say a lot is that we all like to be right; to be wrong is painful, so humans are inclined to avoid it whenever possible. Of course, we are all wrong at times and Dad would point out that when one is wrong, rather than try to back it up with all kinds of reasons why it was actually right, just admit you were wrong! Immediately . . . you are right! Okay, guys . . . I fucked up. I was wrong! I tried to handle this all nice and neat and clean . . . and I know better. I let everyone down - even the people that are still standing who shouldn't be. Here’s to a really messy 2011 . . . and Dad . . . wherever you are . . . thanks!