NICE VERSES KIND

My dad used to tell me that being nice and being kind was not always the same thing and when the two diverged I should always choose to be kind rather than nice. Dad was a wise and incredibly kind man so I took his advice and made it my own. This year, unfortunately, I must accept that I did not do him proud on the kindness front – found myself being nice far too often. This wasn’t for lack of intent. I meant to choose kind, I strove to be kind. But far too many times I failed to recognize that “nice” and “kind” had indeed gone their separate ways and where I thought I was choosing the kind solution, I was, in fact, choosing the more convenient and palatable “nice” path. Sorry, Dad. I know if you were here you would not hold that against me . . . if only for the fact that you know how completely I will hold it against myself.

Tonight we turn over the calendar and start a fresh page. This year I will pay better attention and resolve to recognize more quickly where niceness is tripping me up at the expense of those who deserve better. There is nothing kind about trying to save someone who is bound and determined to do her/himself in and I’ve been guilty of doing just that for the sake of . . . what? Quite honestly, I don’t know. I have no idea what on earth I was thinking. I was seeking a happy ending all around without anyone having to loose too terribly much. I could use the excuse that there were children involved, but no, that isn’t what motivated me. I took the path I took because it was easier to confront, pure and simple. That was “nice” thinking at its most insipid, and Edgar de Santos did not raise his daughter to be such a push-over.

“So Deb, do you mean to say, ‘No more Ms Nice Lady?’ “

Yup . . . ‘cept I’m not really much of a lady, ya know. ;-) Another thing my dad used to say a lot is that we all like to be right; to be wrong is painful, so humans are inclined to avoid it whenever possible. Of course, we are all wrong at times and Dad would point out that when one is wrong, rather than try to back it up with all kinds of reasons why it was actually right, just admit you were wrong! Immediately . . . you are right! Okay, guys . . . I fucked up. I was wrong! I tried to handle this all nice and neat and clean . . . and I know better. I let everyone down - even the people that are still standing who shouldn't be. Here’s to a really messy 2011 . . . and Dad . . . wherever you are . . . thanks!

TWO SIDES TO A STORY? ONLY IF IT’S A STORY OF JUST ONE PERSON

“There are two sides to every story and you are telling me just one of them,” the FBI agent said glibly. An investigator for the Attorney General told me the same thing. Beyond the obvious question as to whether or not these people think for themselves or are all just parroting lines from the same script, this leaves me wondering: Have any of them thought this statement through? Two sides to any story? That is true only if it is the story of just one person. There are as many sides to a story as there are people involved in the story . . . plus one, that one being the truth. We might think that what we present to the world is the truth, but we all color any account with our own vision, our own reality. It is not possible for any of us to know the exact truth as we do not know all sides to the stories in which we are involved.

I find myself wondering what the purpose is for any law enforcement agent to tell me such a thing. What I am telling them, if even close to the truth, indicates that some action is warranted, that laws are being violated and a great injustice is being done, but how are they to know if I’m telling the truth? The events and documents I am presenting are not things upon which any decent person would want to act if they were not fact as it would cause much undeserved heartache so caution is warranted; denial based on a refusal to look at the evidence is not.

I grant these agents the benefit of the doubt and point out to them it is not my wish that they act on one side of the story at all as others doing so is what has caused this problem in the first place. What has been done to Audrius Kazenas by two federal law enforcement agents is based on their acceptance of just one side of the story, a side unsubstantiated by reputable documents or proof of any kind. Those agents know this full well as they are actively presenting documents as factual that radically contradict each other. They have no choice but to do this as it is all that they have. I am simply asking that law enforcement cease taking one side of the story as gospel and at least look at the other side. If they had anything to give proof to their claims against Audrius they would not have to openly use fraudulent documents as they have done and they would not have to hide documents they know will support Audrius. If they knew that what they are doing to Audrius was right and just, they would not be so unwilling to allow the rest of the story to be heard. An honest presentation of Audrius’ case without any hidden agendas would be far simpler and would not require any tricky maneuvers. One way or the other, I will get the rest of the story presented, all that is left to question is whether it will be through our courts and legal systems or through public exposure.

Only those who mean to deceive are afraid of having all sides of the story presented for scrutiny before a decision is rendered and such deception has no business being practiced by those charged with the maintenance of our system of justice.